One Night (Plus Two Other Nights) In Bangkok

The song says that one night in Bangkok makes a tough man humble. What the song doesn't mention is that's because it's so damn hot. Thailand has three seasons - cool, monsoon, and hot. In a choice demonstrating a certain lack of planning on my part, I chose to visit during the hot season. The "cool" season here averages around 80 degrees, so that gives you an idea of what the hot season is like.

It's hot.

If you can get past the constant sweating, however, it really is a fascinating city. It's fascinating because of the sites (temples, Buddhas, rivers choked with ferry boats), but more so because it's so completely foreign. It's really the first non-Western city I've visited and however Westernized Bangkok actually is (and I have no illusions because today I saw a Buddhist monk wearing an iPod), it seems to me like another planet.

Case in point - I almost walked into an elephant yesterday. Literally. I was walking down the street, and I looked over my shoulder (trying to figure out what sort of food was on the cart I had just passed, and honestly it looked like a fried rat) and when I looked frontwards again, I was staring at an elephant, standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

Admittedly, I think he was there for tourist photos (for a small gratuity), and he was a small elephant (as they go) but it's still not something that's going to happen to a person in San Jose. No matter how much you want your picture taken with an elephant in San Jose, you're probably out of luck. Not so in Bangkok. Elephant photo opportunities, apparently, abound.

I felt sort of bad for the elephant. He obviously didn't enjoy standing there in the crowd, and he gave me a look that said, "You think YOU'RE out of place here, buddy? Try being an elephant on the sidewalk."

I could identify with him. I feel like an elephant on the sidewalk here, myself. I spend a lot of time either lost or getting lost; large, out-of-place, graceless and slow-moving. Throngs of Thai people flow around me like a fat, guidebook-toting island as I stare at the map, again, in confusion.

Bangkok, for all it's wonderful, humid, thronging, elephanty-ness, must be the least pedestrian-friendly city on the planet. Or if there's worse, I don't think I want to visit. First of all, there's no street signs. Second, there are no crosswalks. Crossing the street here involves eyeing oncoming traffic and leaping in front of vehicles that are the least-likely to do serious harm if they hit you. The best are the three-wheeled taxis (tuk-tuks) because not only are the easily maneuverable and can probably swerve around you, but also because if they run you down, they will probably do a lot less damage than, say, a bus. Still, I often stand at a corner and wait for some Thai people to show up and cross with them. I figure a) they probably know what they are doing, and b) drivers may be less-likely to run down a local. But largely, it seems to be a crap shoot.